I’d Like to Forget

I’d Like to Forget

I’d like to forget about the times I stayed awake in constant fear of nothing
I want to move on from those days where the only thing I did was pace
Pace around the empty house all day, worrying, while the world moved on without a care outside
Worrying about where and how my life was going or when it was ending.
Worrying about if I was doing too much or not enough and if what I was doing was good.
Worrying about the things beyond my comprehension, things that need not be thought of.
Worrying about what people thought of me. If people only tolerated me as some cruel joke.
If their love was a façade. If my world was a façade. If the things I thought I knew were a lie.
I’d pace like this all day and not until the sun fell, and I was no longer alone, did I find reprieve.

If I could look into my mind during those times I bet I would only find darkness.
It would be a forest of fears, doubts and self-loathing and residing there amongst the scenery
Would be a corrupted version of myself. Alone, afraid blackened by his…our fears
The fears that consumed him…us— But I am not him anymore.
And he is not bound by the thorny vines of anxiety anymore.
He fights back…We fight back.
Once at odds myself we now see eye to eye. As we both grew tired of the struggle.
As we both knew that the things we feared were nonsensical— and as we both knew
That the our only real issue was one that could only be solved by pushing onwards
Onwards without fear—onwards with determination.

If I were to look into my mind now I would assume that most of the fog has gone away
The forest, illuminated by the light of God. And my mirrored self ever wary, but at peace
This is my reality now and I prefer it much more to the other one that I want to forget.
But I should never forget the mistakes of the past, lest I run into them in the future.

Author -Mason Laing